The door to my office clicked behind me and I saw the trophy of myself resting on my desk. The pose of the trophy looked like me standing with my right arm extended away from my body and my hand pointing at something. It must have been a pose I made during trivia, as PowerToMario was probably experimenting with the mysterious figurine and its interaction with a map of NSider while I was hosting. As I stepped towards it, PowerToMario picked it up and held it upside-down, revealing the Japanese scripture on the golden base. He had a worried look about him as if something was not quite right, so I stood still and listened to his findings. “All during trivia, I examined this object…this trophy…” he said softly, “Remember how I told you that Japanese was known only by the NOAs?” I nodded and he continued, “Well, as far as I know that’s still the case…and nowadays trophies are only made in the image of Sages on the forum. Thus, there are two conclusions I came upon…” He paused for a moment before asking, “You didn’t swipe this from an admin did you?”
Persistent as ever, PowerToMario was still trying to find out how I obtained the trophy, so I simply retorted, “And if I did?” “Well…” he said, “That means you were to be nominated as a Sage… hmm…” Cutting off his train of thought, I interrupted and said, “A Sage, huh? Do I really seem like that kind of guy?” “Well I don’t know everything about your personal life.” He said, “Let’s see…usually people who are nominated to be Sages are those that attending the NOA HQ meetings, are actively involved in the community, and have a positive influence on other members of the forums.” Scoffing at this possibility, I said, “I think we can cross that one off the list.” “Your trivia personality seems to suggest otherwise,” PowerToMario said, “When you host trivia, you seem friendly and very sociable. Are you really that different outside of here?” I raised one eyebrow before replying, “Need I remind you that I am an assassin?” “I’m well aware!” PowerToMario said, “And you could probably slice and dice me in an instant if you wanted… It’s just… I have never seen another user of a similar profession interact with the community like you do.” “Hence the downfall of many before me…” I said in a very serious tone, “If others…even my father…had one weakness, it was his lack of social connections. By hosting this contest and getting somewhat involved in the forum, I can gain valuable allies and information about the community in the process. People who work entirely by themselves, no matter how strong they are, don’t last in this world. Even in terms of trivia…haven’t you noticed the independent trivia contests that have tried to compete with mine? After one or two events, they close for good. It’s the same sort of idea.”
After a short pause, PowerToMario asked, “Is the ulterior motive really that strong?” skeptical of that being the only reason for hosting. “Well…” I started, “I do enjoy it and it provides me with some good money. Otherwise, I would be screwed on that front.” “I think it’s more than that…” PowerToMario continued, “I mean, if what you’re telling me is true, it’s like you put on a completely different face for trivia.” Beginning to get a little irritated with the personal questions, I said, “I thought I told you before, I take pride in the fact that I am skilled in battle and have some social abilities. Hosting any forum event is not only fun but also improves those skills.” “It’s remarkable how you’ve managed to keep your two lives separate…” PowerToMario said, to which I replied, “I’m not sure if I would call them different lives, but different personas, yeah.” I expected PowerToMario to reply with something else, but he just had a very pensive look on his face, pushing his glasses up on his nose with his index finger. “Anyway…” I said, breaking the brief silence “Isn’t there something you have to tell me about that thing you’re holding?”
“Oh right, I’m terribly sorry!” He perked up and examined the object once more, “If you’re telling me the Sage thing isn’t the case then whoever you got this from must have gotten it from an administrator…an NOA. I’m not suggesting that you stole it…” He paused and looked in my direction, again trying to squeeze more information out of me, but I remained silent and composed, “…but I’m just saying whoever you got this from has to be involved with the NOAs. There is no other way a trophy of someone could be made by anyone else. Not even moderators know how to do this!” “Are you sure?” I asked, figuring that at least someone else was capable of doing so. “Yeah, I’m positive.” PowerToMario said confidently, “You know the moderator GameMaster149? The guy who manages the Official Mario Board Contest?” “I think so.” I said, mostly sure of who the user was. “Well while you were hosting trivia I PMed him and asked if he knew how to make a trophy and he told me the same thing that I told you. Only NOAs have the knowledge of how to craft these things.” “Hmm…” I thought as I began to realize what this meant, “So…you’re saying the person I got this from probably has the NOAs on his or her side?” “More than that,” PowerToMario said, “You can’t just walk up to an NOA and ask for a trophy. They’ll probably ban you for that. This…person or group or whatever must have very personal connections and be very close with the authorities of the forum.” I remained silent as PowerToMario continued, “That’s why I hope you didn’t steal it...the NOAs could be looking for you.” “Great…” I inaudibly muttered under my breath. I intended to get back at Dr. Peppy for his cruelty, but this was turning into much more than I bargained for.
I snatched the trophy from PowerToMario’s hand and spun around, making my way towards the exit. “Whoa hold on!” PowerToMario said, “Sorry if I struck a nerve or something but I’m not done yet. Besides, don’t you think it would be safer to keep that here than to potentially lose it doing…whatever it is that you do?” It took a moment for my brief anger to subside, but I finally calmed down and handed the trophy back to PowerToMario. “Thank you,” he said, satisfied that he was able to regain control of the situation, “Now judging by your actions I would say you could be in some trouble… possibly with the NOAs…and as you know I am employed by the NOAs so…” “You wouldn’t!” I shouted, cutting him off mid-sentence. He sighed deeply before finally admitting, “No…no I wouldn’t. My job description says I have to help you, not report you. That being said I will give you some tools to help you out. The electronic translator I showed you before is yours. Just strap it to your wrist like the PM watch you have and use it at your leisure. I can get another from the NOAs or something.” “Ok…” I said, taking the device and strapping it to my wrist beside my PM watch, “So you just point it at whatever you want to scan?” “That’s right!” PowerToMario exclaimed, “Why don’t you try it on the trophy?” I aimed the device at the Japanese text and pressed the silver button on its face. Sure enough, after a few moments, the text “SHADOWMARIO41” was displayed on the digital screen. “See?” PowerToMario said, “And if you want to change the language just use the dial on the right. It’s simple.” “Thanks…” I said, “Anything else?” “Yes,” he said, much to my surprise, “I also wanted to give you this map of NSider. It’s probably a good resource to have.” I was going to decline the offer at first, but I then realized that I hardly ever looked at a map of the community. I knew the back roads and routes only from living on the streets, not by studying a map. “Sure…” I said, “As long as the huge thing won’t slow me down.” “It’s pocket-sized,” he said as he handed a small folded piece of parchment to me, “It shouldn’t be a problem.” Before shoving it into the pockets of my robes, I unfolded it and looked at it for a few seconds.
“It seems like you could have some tough times ahead of you, ShadowMario41. I’ll be here if you need me. Good luck!” I nodded and we both walked out of the room. I figured that after sleeping well, I would be ready for the challenges that lie ahead. Thus, I decided to sleep on a comfortable couch at the trivia headquarters before heading out in the morning. The trophy was safely in PowerToMario’s possession and I knew that I had some valuable allies back here at the HQ that I could count on if I found myself in a tough spot. If the NOAs wanted to track me down, I would be ready.
When I awoke, even though it was still early in the morning, I felt surprisingly refreshed. I decided to sneak out of the HQ in these early hours so I could avoid confrontation with everyone without a barrage of questions. I also wanted to get over to the Gameplay Help for Newcomers Board rather quickly this morning. Even though it seemed rather miniscule in light of everything that had happened in the past few days, this marked the third day that X-Naut128 had been a part of this community. After all, I made a vow to end his life when I first saw him as a pathetic OSider and since I didn’t really know where to go from here, I decided that would be the best place to start. Once the day ended, the loathsome annoyance would automatically rank up to a Cappy and gain access to all of the forum’s boards and features. I wanted to give myself enough time to track him down within the confusion of this board. At first I was a bit upset with myself that I allowed him to remain alive for this long, but he couldn’t have changed too much in the three days, even with a Sage and an NOA-assigned “guardian” on his side. The morning sky was void of any clouds and I wanted to find the X-Naut before he ranked up and become lost within the massive community of NSider. I took my time walking to the board, reflecting on the conversation that transpired last night after trivia.
Every time I venture towards this part of NSider, I am amazed at the unsanitary conditions that are prevalent within the confines of the Gameplay Help for Newcomers board. This board is almost entirely inhabited by newcomers to the forum, so it goes without saying that it is a rather chaotic board to visit. Even though Power On is probably ten-times as active, at least there is some sense of order there, unlike this board where confused newcomers wander around aimlessly. The streets were covered in filth, rats scoured the back alleys and some areas smelled like dump. Based on this first impression that newcomers were treated to, I was amazed at how many people actually stuck around to become full-fledged NSiders. Maybe it was an intentional ploy by the NOAs to try to wean out some of the users who aren’t truly committed to becoming a serious member of the community. Whatever the reason, I always hated traveling here because of these conditions.
It took me a few hours to locate X-Naut128 and his merry band of friends, but I finally found them near some miscellaneous discussion topic. Immediately I noticed that the group of three had increased to a group of four. Some other new user was now traveling with the mangy x-naut in addition to the self-proclaimed hero and Invader8. He was only a little taller than X-Naut128 and wore a maroon uniform, a brown belt with a bright golden buckle shaped like a spiral, gray boots and gloves that were both slightly torn and, strangest of all, a mask resembling a metallic dragon that covered his whole head. The only part of him that was visible underneath the mask was his azure eyes and I could not imagine that his mobility was not suffering because of the massive helmet. He was carrying a small knife with a gray hilt, but he also had two strong-looking ray guns resting in holsters on either side of him. He was still a Goomba, so I imagined that he didn’t know how to handle these very well, but it seemed as if he already had some battle skill. My guess was that he and X-Naut128 registered on the same day and, by the sound of their conversation, I was right. Listening in more closely, I found the name of this newcomer to be TechnoDragon64.
From what I could tell, they appeared to be arguing over who got to keep a bag of posts that they found lying on the ground. “I saw them first so I shuld keep them!” The X-Naut shouted, tugging on one end of the bag. “Yeah well…” TechnoDragon64 said in a very deep voice, “I picked them up so they should be mine.” TechnoDragon64 appeared to be a bit more mature, as his grammatical errors were limited when he talked. X-Naut128 didn’t look too much different; he was still the stout plump x-naut from before. “Nuu!” The x-naut squealed, “I want em!” Invader8 was nearby, leaning against a building and scratching his head, not bothering to get involved in the petty dispute. Falcon6 stood over both of them and looked frustrated as well, finally chiming in, “You know guys… I have the perfect solution. Why don’t you give them to me? After all, I am the HERO OF NSIDER!”
The two Goombas stared at him blankly for a moment, and then continued to argue, completely ignoring his declaration. Eventually the bag ripped and the contents of the bag spilled out all over the ground. From the looks of it, there were only four measly posts in the bag and each user scrambled to grab two posts each. “HA! I GOTZ TOO!” X-Naut128 screamed with his arms held high, nearly dropping his prized posts. TechnoDragon64 looked towards him and said, “I have two as well; that makes us even.” X-Naut128 looked him and then pulled out one his swords. “Hey! Come on, man.” TechnoDragon64 said, “It’s only two posts…what are you going to do with that thing?” Pointing it at the hand of TechnoDragon64, a small bolt of electricity shot out from the tip of the sword, shocking his hand and causing him to drop the posts he just collected. X-Naut128 quickly collected the posts and assumed a highly unwarranted victory pose. Upon seeing this, though, my perception of this user changed slightly. “Perhaps he does have some battle skill after all…” I thought, hoping that he would at least be some sort of challenge to exterminate. This move even caught Invader8’s attention, who turned and complimented the newbie on his attack, despite it being rather pathetic.
“That increases your post count to… eighteen?” Invader8 said with an inflection in his voice, “You’re not exactly gaining posts at a fast rate.” “I gotz mor than u!” X-Naut128 shouted back defensively. “Actually…” Invader8 began, “I have about 2500 more than you do…” X-Naut128 looked dumbfounded for a second; then chimed in abruptly, “Yeah well im cool!” He leaped into the air, attempting to perform a back flip, but landed on his back in agony. Struggling not to laugh, TechnoDragon64 helped him up and Falcon6 quickly interrupted the idiocy before anyone else was injured. “Hey guys… you know this is your last day in the newcomer boards. You should be taking full advantage of it rather than goofing off. This isn’t very productive, you know…” Invader8 glanced at the prideful Sage and asked, “Well, what do you propose that we do?” Apparently not one for quick thinking, Falcon6 looked back nervously and managed to mutter, “I don’t… know…” “What do you mean you don’t know?” Invader interrupted, “I thought you are the ‘Hero of NSider’…” Immediately, Falcon6 stiffened up and tried to quickly search for words. Eventually he managed to sputter out, “Let’s….go……to…..the Arcade…” “ARCADE!?” X-Naut128 screamed out and jumped upon hearing that joyous word. TechnoDragon64 folded his arms, glanced at the gleeful X-Naut and commented, “You’ve been here almost three days and you didn’t know that there was an arcade? Even I knew that!” “…no…” X-Naut said, his happy expression quickly changing to one of confusion, “Can u show me?” The NSider Arcade is a large facility where various users could go to at any time to try their luck in various classic Nintendo games. This is a more family- and kid-oriented type of establishment, as gambling with posts directly was not allowed here. Instead, posts were used to buy tokens, which could then be inserted into machines to play these games. I never had much interest in something like this and none of the prizes really appealed to me, but I suppose simple games amuse simple minds.
“Whar is da arcadez!?” X-Naut128 shouted out, eager to spend his last day playing some mindless games. “It’s not far from here,” Invader8 said, now walking over to the X-Naut, “Follow me and we’ll be there in a few minutes.” I groaned as the crew walked towards the arcade, as I knew that there was no alternative but for me to follow them to that crowded place. With the amount of security and number of users here, there was no way that I could step foot inside without having to give up my weapons or even reveal my name. With the NOAs potentially on my tail, I wanted to be as careful with my personal information as possible and I had no choice but to remain hidden outside and keep the entrance in sight. Hopefully they would not try anything crafty and leave via different exit, but I do not think that Invader8 still suspected my presence after three days since our last encounter. Compared to the luxurious casino in Power On, the NSider Arcade looked somewhat outdated. There was paint chipping off the walls, a patched hole in the ceiling and many of the letters in the neon sign did not light up or flickered uncontrollably. I suspected that it was even worse on the inside, but that was beyond my knowledge.
Hours upon hours passed and the sky was growing darker and darker. Fighting off hunger pains, I continued to wait, growing a bit anxious and starting to wonder if they were still there. Just as I was about to abandon hope and start to search for them again, the group walked out with TechnoDragon64 clutching a large green teddy bear, smiling proudly at his prize. X-Naut128 was clearly jealous because he did not win anything while Invader and Falcon simply laughed at the childish toy. Following some idle chatter, Falcon exclaimed “Hey! It’s almost time, you little X-Naut. It’s almost been exactly three days since you’ve registered.” “Oh ya!” X-Naut128 said rather loudly, immediately wiping the jealous look off of his face, “Wat do i be now?” Falcon6 chuckled a bit and replied, “A Cappy of course! Don’t you remember from the tech support forums? We were there yesterday and I told you to pay attention to The Rank Thread…” The little x-naut simply looked at the revered sage with a confused look, not uttering another word until another user walked out of the arcade carrying a basketball with Mario’s face on it. “OOOH! I WANT THAT!”
It was clear that Falcon6 was eager to get out of the newcomer slums and back into the main part of the forum. “I’ll take that as a no,” he said, “Oh and you too, Techno! Didn’t you register only a few minutes after this guy?” TechnoDragon nodded and replied, “Yes, I think I’m ready to become an actual NSider.” “Good,” Invader8 added, “but don’t think it gets easier now that you have a new rank and access to other parts of the forum. It only gets tougher. Falcon6 and I won’t always be around to protect you.” “I know,” TechnoDragon exclaimed confidently, “but I want to become a good fighter. I think I can do it.” Falcon6 somehow had the need to interrupt, saying “Well just don’t think you can get better than me because I’m THE HERO OF NSIDER!” I think even after being here for only three days, TechnoDragon64 was already beginning to grow tired of the Sage’s boasting. However, he wisely didn’t speak out against it, as he was still far outmatched in skill by the pretentious Falcon6.
“Good, you’re catching on…” Invader commented towards TechnoDragon64’s decision to not call out Falcon6, “…now where is that X-Naut?” As if on cue, the X-Naut ran back to the group waving his arms wildly and shouting, “LOOK! I R ORANGE!” During a rank-up is the only time now that a user’s screen name becomes shortly visible above their head regardless of whether or not privacy settings were enables. The name X-Naut128 was shown above his head written in dull orange text, signifying that he had achieved the rank of Cappy. Moments later, the same happened to TechnoDragon64, meaning they could now access every part of NSider. I could tell he was excited, but did not blatantly express it in the same n00bish fashion as X-Naut128 did. “Alright!” Falcon6 said, “You ranked up! Ah…that is one feeling that I miss about being a normal user. Isn’t it a satisfying experience?” The two users were too distracted by their new orange text to respond to the question, but when their names disappeared from atop their heads once again, they both turned to Falcon6 and Invader8 and said in unison, “It’s awesome!!!”
After a moment of silence, X-Naut128 said inquisitively, “So…now wut!?” This caused Falcon6 to start bellowing in laughter, much to the confusion of X-Naut128 whilst TechnoDragon and Invader stood there silently. “Now you can explore the whole world!” Falcon6 said with excitement in his voice, “You know what, I’ve become somewhat attached to you guys. Why don’t you come over to my mansion tonight to celebrate your achievements? You guys can even stay the night. What do you say?” A fancy mansion party seemed way too over-the-top to honor an accomplishment as minor as this and was probably just another medium through which Falcon6 could show off his riches and fame. Do these little NSiders realize how lucky they are to be invited to Falcon6’s mansion as mere Cappies? Even Falcon6’s fellow Sages have gone without receiving an invitation to his ritzy home. Without hesitation they accepted the invitation and started to walk away towards the Power On board. I followed in the shadows, growing tired of this idiocy, and determined to put a quick end to this lengthy pursuit.
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