CHAPTER 5: Sagely Savior

About ten minutes had passed and still no sign of the pair that went inside the brick red registration building. I can’t believe that I allowed this elusive target to not only survive but become an NSider on top of all that. I was beginning to grow impatient and being frustrated at myself for getting caught by Invader8 didn’t help the time pass any faster. However, I wasn’t surprised that the registration process was taking this long. Once inside the building, a user must fill out a bit of paperwork before he or she is accepted into the community. Although the required information is basic – name, age, gender, and the like – I’ve heard it does take some time. Being born in NSider, I was given a username and was automatically a registered NSider, so I never had to go through this process. A few users who attend my trivia contest complained to me that the longest part of registration was selecting a username, as it could take several tries before a unique alias was selected that wasn’t already in use. From my understanding, there was always a couple of moderators and an administrator that drove this process, so attacking the X-Naut at this time would be unwise. I impatiently folded my arms, leaned up against a stone wall and waited for the pair to finish.

Finally after another fifteen minutes of waiting, the X-Naut emerged from the registration building accompanied by Invader8 with a name in black text above him that read “X-NAUT128.” It used to be that all users would constantly have their names displayed above their heads, but since some privacy issues arose, only Goombas have to show their names. For all other users, one’s name is only shown overhead when he/she ranks up or is in a position of authority (Water10’s name was visible because she was the judge of the trial). Invader8 also handed the X-Naut his NSider ID card, which recognized him as an official member of the community. Once again a mixture of frustration and disappointment built up inside of me, but I reasoned with myself figuring that he was still a lowly Goomba and an easy target nonetheless. However, the problem now is that I could possibly be banned if I did not kill the X-Naut in secrecy. In addition, the X-Naut was granted a weapon for joining the community and even though it is unlikely that he could wield it properly, I still couldn’t take any chances. His weapon of choice was a medium-sized broadsword, a weapon with a small brown hilt and a wide silver blade that made it a bit difficult to wield but very powerful if mastered. Even though Invader8 was trying to explain some basic sword slashes to him, X-Naut128 still nearly stabbed himself while trying to execute these moves. I snickered at the sight of this, as my thoughts of him being a threat to my superior speed and skill were quickly eliminated. In fact, he was having trouble even holding the heavy sword, so he decided to put it down for a little bit while Invader8 explained some of the basics of NSider.

The X-Naut also had a new uniform, one that looked more like what a typical NSider wears. He had a white cap, white gloves and matching white shoes. His shirt was red with black stripes going diagonally down from one shoulder to the opposite leg, crossing in the center and forming what looked like an X. His legs were very short, but perhaps they were stuffed inside of that tight suit he was wearing. Finally, he wore gold-rimmed goggles that were barely visible between his hat and the suit’s padding that was sticking out of the top of his uniform. I assume he also had the other essentials, like a PM device and a map of the community so he could find his way around. Of course, if I were to be killing him, he wouldn’t have much use for such things.

I put one hand on my dagger as I thought about making my move on the confused user at this very moment. With him now unarmed, it would be extremely simple to end the life of this new NSider. One obstacle was still in my way, though: Invader8. “He did catch me attempting an attack a little while ago, but was that just dumb luck? Did I just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Is he really as strong as he made himself out to be?” All these thoughts and more raced through my mind but were quickly interrupted by a bright glow in the distance, growing more intense as it headed towards the Registration Building. Many users around the area ran off to hide, leaving the dumbfounded X-Naut standing in the middle of the road with Invader8 at his side, ready to fend off the impending threat.

I glanced over at the orange light, remaining hidden as I did so, until I saw two flamers racing down the street, scorching everything in their path. They were tall and thin, with flames radiating from their heads and hands. The duo approached a Goomba named PrinceYoshi and started toying with him, shooting a special form of blue fire at the NSider, which caused him to have an emotional breakdown. PrinceYoshi tried to fight back, but it was no use against the experienced flamers, as they both raised their large, fiery axes in the air and slammed them down on the NSider, creating a mess of blood and gore. Just then, a voice rang out from my left that said, “HEY U! LEAVE DEM ALONE!” I recognized that voice as the one and only X-Naut128, who wanted to fight off the flamers. I glanced over and saw the X-Naut assume a strange fighting pose as he prepared to challenge the flamers. Even though it was a little too late to save PrinceYoshi, as his body was literally in pieces on the ground, the X-Naut still felt as if he had to be a hero. He slowly walked towards the flamers, who exchanged sarcastic expressions, ready to fight the battle of his life until he came to a sudden realization: he left his sword back at the Registration Building and was thus unarmed.

This NSider was obviously asking to be flamed, whether he knew it or not. The flamers clutched their axes, grinned menacingly and attempted to scare the Goomba by shooting flames from the top of their heads. “EEP!” X-Naut128 screamed as he started to run away in a frantic zigzag pattern with the flamers in hot pursuit. This chase scene didn’t last very long, though, as Invader8 quickly stepped in before the X-Naut had to face these foes and engaged both flamers simultaneously. Right at the battle ensued, I could tell that this was an ensured victory for Invader8 as he was parrying the flamers’ axes and foiling their blunt tactics with ease. He then started doing flips and performing more advanced moves, even though they were unnecessary, to deal with the flamers such as shooting his plasma rifle between his legs and shooting at the flamers’ axes to disarm them. If he were serious about this fight, they would probably have been dead as soon as the battle began.

While Invader8 was busy showing off, something else caught my eye. X-Naut was too busy cheering on his guardian that he didn’t even notice another spammer sneaking behind him, ready to attack the still-unarmed X-Naut. One would think that he would run back to retrieve his weapon before watching the fight, but apparently he was not smart enough to figure this out. The X-Naut turned around and looked at the spammer, who was holding a mace and was ready to slam a spiked iron ball into the face of X-Naut128. Abiding by my vow that I would be the one to kill X-Naut128, I unsheathed my daggers and prepared to perform my signature Shadow Slash once again.

I sprinted out from behind my cover and sliced the letters “SM” into his stomach, then doubled back and slashed “41” and returned to hiding. The X-Naut was a little dazed, since he must have seen two flashes race by him but, nevertheless, the spammer collapsed to the cobblestone road. I was pretty satisfied with my work and twirled my daggers as I slid them back into the holsters, but then a third flash raced towards and stopped in front of X-Naut128. “Oh no…” I groaned and shook my head, “Does this guy have to take credit for everything?” The X-Naut looked up at whom he thought saved his life. It was Falcon the 6^th, also known as the “Hero of NSider.” In my opinion, he was more like the biggest show-off in NSider. As a member of the Sage rank, he had a gleaming golden Triforce badge on his shirt, which immediately impressed X-Naut128. Falcon6 was also extremely tall yet a bit plump, wearing a large red long-sleeved regal robe with gold designs and insignias throughout. He had a blue shirt underneath and a golden belt with the symbol of the Triforce on it, further displaying his proud sagely status. His face did not coincide with his outfit, though, as he had the appearance of a young yet experienced fighter instead of an old veteran. On top of his rounded head, he had on a crown lined with gems of all sorts and his brown elf-like shoes were also gleaming with golden buckles and designs.

“Fair citizen of NSider, are you OK?” Falcon said, while standing triumphantly, his face gleaming with pride. “Ya… u saved me…but who r u?” X-Naut 128 replied back, still amazed at the fact that he thought that he was saved by a Sage. “Haha! Do you not know of my fame? Are you oblivious of my glory!? I am Falcon the 6^th, HERO OF NSIDER!” Anyone with a decent intelligence level could have detected the obvious bragging and false pride in his voice as well as his cocky introductory speech, but the X-Naut simply stared at him wide-eyed and exclaimed, “I love u! Can u hellp mii on NSider?” Falcon chuckled at the thought of helping out a newcomer and hastily declined, fearing that his reputation might be tarnished. “Sorry kid…” He said, “I have to look out for the safety of this entire community and…”

“And why not?” Invader8 chimed in, walking away without any injuries from the two flamers who were now both knocked unconscious on the road. The two must have had some former history since upon seeing that Invader8 was helping out this user, Falcon6 stiffened and said sternly, “Well, good sir, I have many other important duties to attend t –“ “Such as?” Invader asked, cutting off the Sage mid-sentence. Falcon6 scrambled for words and stuttered until he finally managed to mumble, “Well I… umm…have to… save some NSiders from… the thing…” This did not amuse Invader8 in the slightest, as he just stood there with his arms folded, staring down the mighty Sage. Even X-Naut128 had an indifferent expression on his face and was beginning to doubt the ability of his self-perceived savior. Sensing this, Falcon the 6^th sighed loudly, cursed under his breath, and changed his mind, saying, “You know… I think there is an opening in my schedule… I’ll help you guys out.” “WOO!” X-Naut128 screamed as he leaped into the air with an idiotic ear-to-ear grin on his face. “You’ll have to get used to that.” Invader8 said sarcastically as the trio all walked side-by-side to the Gameplay Help for Newcomers board.

I couldn’t believe the obnoxious amount of good fortune this mindless X-Naut was generating for himself. First, before he is even recognized as a member of the community, he gets a handpicked guardian by Andy to help him get acquainted with the forums and now he has the so-called Hero of NSider on his side. I couldn’t gauge the strength of X-Naut128 and Invader8’s new ally; despite him being a pretentious fool, he was still a Sage and not one to be underestimated. It was just getting more and more difficult to dispose of this lowly Goomba-ranked n00b, one who brought back the painful memories of a cruel death. I was about to follow them to the Gameplay Help for Newcomers board when something of vital importance caught my attention…

CHAPTER 4: From OSider To NSider

About five minutes later a user walked into the room and a look of satisfaction spread across Andy’s face. It was Invader8, a user of average height and build, but also one who seemed very agile and skilled at fighting. His strange yet sturdy green and gray armor did not seem to inhibit his speed either, as he was wearing a chest plate but appeared to be moving with ease. He had dark green hair and a few battle scars on his face, which was exhibiting a stern expression. His weapon was a one-handed plasma rifle that could incinerate any opponent in seconds if they were not on their guard. He also had a small knife in a holster on his right side, which I assume was used for close combat. While he was only a Kremling rank, he looked as if he could rival a Bounty Hunter or even an Ing. It would definitely be more difficult to get rid of the X-Naut with this body guard following him.

Still in the corner of the room, I watched as Invader8 turned to the X-Naut, who was a little frightened of his newfound ally, and said, in a surprisingly friendly voice, “Hey OSider. My name is Invader8 and I will be happy to protect you and help you out as you acquaint yourself with the Nintendo NSider Forums. First we must go to the registration building so that w-“ “WOO!” the X-Naut shouted, blatantly interrupting his introduction message, but he continued on nonetheless. By the look of the expression on his face, Invader8 was used to newcomers like this interrupting him. “Eh hem….at the registration building, you can become a member, gain access to NSider and all of its features and get your very own username. I bet you’re tired of people calling you ‘OSider’ all the time.” The OSider looked a tad puzzled, but then shouted, “Y do ppl call me A n00by OSider!?” Invader had an expression of indifference, but simply sighed and replied, “I can’t imagine why… Now then, shall we proceed to the registration building?” “YAY!” He screamed again, and even NOA_ANDY looked like he was regretting his decision somewhat. “Are you sure about this guy?” Invader8 said softly to Andy, who shrugged and replied, “I don’t know…but we did falsely drag him into this mess. It’s the least that we could do to make up for it.” “Yeah, you’re probably right…” Invader8 said as he glanced back towards the X-Naut , who was jumping up and down with excitement.

Andy then gave Invader a piece of parchment with something written on it. “Here,” he remarked, “give this to Bronsen at the registration building.” Invader nodded and accepted the item as he and the X-Naut walked off towards the registration building. I had no choice but to follow; with the NOAs in close proximity and security around both the courthouse and the registration building undoubtedly heightened because of this incident and the killing I already committed today, it would be way too risky to attempt another murder now. On the flipside, though, it would be advantageous to kill the user now before he became a registered NSider. I hoped for an opportunity to arise as I slipped out of the courthouse without saying a word or making eye contact with a single NOA and pursued the pair.

The couple was strolling at a leisurely pace and it was effortless for me to keep an eye on them. For some reason, the streets were strangely deserted, so my mind began to wander. I thought back to the incident at Celadon and thought of exactly how the scene unfolded. There was just something a bit unusual about the entire thing. The situation replayed in my mind a few times and I was thinking if I could remember any particular details that may shed some light on the situation. “Why would two ordinary spammers try to raid 30,000 posts? How did they even know the posts were there?” These thoughts and more raced through my mind as the massive registration building loomed in the horizon.

I then came to a sudden realization. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but I was sure that I saw the two spammers wearing golden badges on their chests. These spammers must have been wearing golden “N” badges, which meant that they must have been part of the Nicolai93 Organization, one of the biggest, if not the biggest, underground band of criminals, similar to a mafia of some sort. In fact, it is common knowledge amongst assassins, thieves, and many other users, though I’m not sure if the common folk would know about it or not. Regardless, I was still somewhat perplexed as to why the group would send two Paratroopa-ranked users to steal such a high number of posts. I mean, it was enough posts to instantly become a Plumber rank, but perhaps that amount of posts didn’t mean very much to this criminal group. After all, this group has become reputable for a reason and I’m sure that they’re never short on money. I wondered if I was really the only one to realize that they were involved in this attempted robbery, although it really wasn’t much of my concern.

The head of the Nicolai93 Organization was none other than Nicolai93, himself. I have never seen this infamous figure nor have any knowledge of his association other than its name. From what I have heard, he disguises himself as a lower rank to avoid suspicion of his strength, but he’s one of the best fighters in all of NSider. It’s a pretty ingenious strategy and most likely why this organization has been able to remain active for so long. The NSider Police have been trying to track down this elusive group, but have been unsuccessful for years. It made me really curious as to how they were able to remain hidden for so long and exactly what kind of users would be a part of such an organization. The sound of a small pebble bouncing down the road that I accidentally kicked interrupted my thoughts, though, as I mentally returned to focus on the X-Naut and Invader8.

It was nearly sundown as they approached the registration building and the sky was beginning to radiate a deep orange hue. Despite the time, there was a still long line of OSiders waiting to sign up as NSiders. I figured I would have plenty of time to strike, since he would have to wait in this huge line. Just then, however, the perfect opportunity presented itself. Invader8 told the X-Naut to stay behind as he walked over to Bronsen, one of the Knights of Hyrule positioned at the registration building, to give him Andy’s message. The OSider was now standing alone and unarmed with no one willing to protect him. Debating quickly what would be the best way to dispose of this worthless life, I decided I was going to throw one of my daggers at him so that I would not have to go out into the open, even though it was getting dark. When the blade struck him between his eyeballs (or goggles in this case), I would summon it back to my side with dark magic and watch as the OSider painfully fell to the ground. I placed my right hand on the hilt of my dagger and prepared to strike. I was a bit disappointed, however, that the OSider wasn’t making this mission a bit more difficult. He was just standing there, and after all that I’ve been through so far in tracking this X-Naut, I thought that killing him would at least be somewhat difficult. I lined up my shot and was ready to hurl my dagger with pinpoint accuracy when I felt someone grab my arm.

I turned my head to the right to see that it was Invader8, the same guy protecting that X-Naut. “How –“ I began to say, but he cut me off and said sternly, with his plasma rifle pointed to my head, “If you mess with the X-Naut here, I’ll mess you up bad. Got it?” I was agitated that he would talk to me in such a manner so I quickly freed myself from his grip and prepared to fight. As much as I wanted to tear him to shreds, though, I lost the element of surprise and had no intentions of facing that plasma rifle at close quarters. I looked up and saw a slight smirk on his face. He could tell he had me beat, but I didn’t want to support that notion and display any weakness. I looked away from him and grunted, “Fine…” “You better get it.” He shouted rather loudly as he lowered his weapon and returned to the X-Naut with an egotistical step in his stride.

“This might be more of a challenge after all.” I thought to myself, now vowing that I would soon be responsible for both the death of the X-Naut and the death of Invader8. Even though I was frustrated in myself, I felt a strange sense of happiness that this self-assigned mission wouldn’t come to such an anti-climactic close. I twirled my daggers and put them back in the holsters. Even though it would be tougher to dispose of them with Invader8 now constantly on the lookout for assassins and similar threats, I would never back down from a challenge. I could easily kill both of them in combat if I really wanted to. However, as an assassin, subtlety is a huge factor and already having the authorities on your tail is not an ideal position to be in. As I learned from some of my previous missions, patience is eventually rewarded.

I decided to ignore Invader8’s warning, though, and continue to spy on the X-Naut. I scoped out a new location and dashed towards it, invisible to the naked eye. When I arrived, I realized that this was an even better vantage point than the previous one. Better yet, I could listen in on their conversation. “Whar wer u?” the X-Naut asked rather obnoxiously. “I was just attending to some… business…” Invader said softly, glancing back to my previous position only to find it vacant. Returning to his friendly tone, he made eye contact with the OSider and said, “You have been granted special permission to become an NSider immediately by the order of NOA_ANDY, so please follow me and we will sign you up.” I remained stationary as the pair walked towards the registration building, past BRONSEN and PELORD and into the arched entryway. This unnamed OSider was lucky enough to become an NSider, even with an expert assassin on his trail. Getting rid of the X-Naut now might be a little tougher, as he would get to choose a weapon to wield now that he was an NSider. However, I was still confident in my abilities that I could get rid of him with little trouble. There was nothing I could now, though, so I just waited patiently for the registration process to be complete.

CHAPTER 3: The Trial

It has been a while since I’ve passed by the courthouse in NSider and I forgot just how massive it was. The golden edifice was lined with statues of famous video game characters, the centralized icon being Mario holding the scales of justice. It has to be one of the most glamorous buildings aesthetically in all of NSider and it is revered throughout the community as truly being a work of art. This courthouse has been in operation for many, many years, and is one of the premiere architectural achievements of this community.

When the transport vehicle arrived in front of the grand staircase leading up to a pair of bronze doors, I hastily broke off my pursuit and bolted behind a black car parked nearby. The back doors of the vehicle opened up; two officers ordered the X-Naut to emerge from the car. Hesitantly, he rose up, stepped out, and marveled at the beauty that was Turnabout Courthouse. That was quickly interrupted, though, as the two officers whisked him away rather unforgivingly. The OSider was struggling wildly in an attempt to break free from his handcuffs and the grips of the officers, but it was all for naught as the trio disappeared inside the courthouse and the doors slammed shut.

The trials of the Turnabout Courthouse were open to the public, but assassins and other similar classes of fighters were not allowed for safety reasons. It is a prejudiced law in my view but, nonetheless, I realized I had to get inside the building somehow as the main entrance was heavily guarded. I snuck around to the rear, weaving in and out of bushes, when I came across a security guard on patrol. “If I could stun him somehow, I should be able to reach the windows easily,” I thought, so that is exactly what I did. Holding out one of my daggers, I muttered an incantation and a yellow spark flew out of them towards the guard. The oblivious guard was struck square in the face and he quickly fell to the ground. I ran over and, after pocketing some of his posts, looked up towards the windows, hoping that they would be open so I could leap inside like a blur, but it was no use. There were red padlocks on all of the windows, meaning that these windows could only be opened by a user of Sage rank or higher. These red padlocks have simply become known as “locks,” but it isn’t like a normal door lock that I can break open or open with magic. Something about these locks prevents those without access from touching or breaking them. Even spells cast by a user whose rank is lower than Sage will have no effect on these locks.

When I came to terms that the building was completely sealed, I decided that I would resort to risky measures in order to gain access. “Hey!” Someone screamed, and I turned around to find that the guard had regained control of his senses. “Stop right there or I will use force!” He was probably somewhat scared to come face-to-face with an assassin of my caliber, as signified by his slight trembling. I knew that he could not beat me on his own, but I saw his left hand reach back towards a walkie-talkie attached to his belt. Before he could call in reinforcements, I snatched the radio out of his hand and hit him in the arm with the hilt of my dagger. He was knocked back a bit and began clutching his arm in agony. I was satisfied that I managed to break his arm with one blow, but I knew I was not out of this yet. He still retained consciousness and decided to let go of his arm, allowing the mangled limb hang limp, and fired at me with a pistol in the other hand. Unfortunately for him, it was a weapon with an extremely slow fire rate and I dodged the bullets with ease. I wanted to end this battle quickly before more officers arrived due to the commotion, so I deflected the next bullet he shot at me with my dagger’s blade, causing it to bounce back and strike the guard right in the chest. I then dashed forward and performed a very satisfying fatality: beheading the opponent. His detached cranium fell to the grass in a pool of blood.

I twirled my daggers, slid them back into the holsters, and dashed back into hiding as I heard some guards approaching from the front of the courthouse. I realized that this was my opportunity and ran through the surrounding bushes to the front, where the main entrance of the courthouse was now void of any guards. I ran quickly up the stairs so that security cameras would not be able to capture me and entered through the massive doors. Those guards must have been horrified at the sight of seeing one of their co-workers beheaded, though their feelings meant naught to me.

“Please pass through the metal detector, sir.” I heard the voice of a middle-aged security guard speak up from behind me. I turned around and saw the security checkpoint, which was unavoidable now that I had been spotted. A guard was sitting at a desk and next to him was a tall metal detector that I had to walk though to gain entry. Realizing the error of my ways, I hesitated as I thought of how to avoid setting off the alarm. The guard was quickly growing impatient, eventually remarking, “Sir, it’s not that hard and I don’t get paid be the hour. Please enter the metal detector.” With the administrators and NOAs present, there was no way that I wanted to risk setting off the alarm. I was in a tough spot; with nowhere to run, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get passed this one until I heard a faint sound coming from behind the officer’s desk.

The officer sighed and grabbed a walkie-talkie from behind his desk. Holding it up to his ear, he responded “Can you repeat that? The volume was accidentally turned down.” “Krtzz,” the radio crackled, “We have an officer down! Officer down! Do you copy? Emergency maneuvers!” “Whoa!” the guard screamed as he quickly grabbed his gun and ran out the door in a tizzy. Apparently my killing had created a diversion and the security guard forgot about me standing right there. “The fool…” I thought as I just walked around the metal detector and into the main foyer of the courtroom. After a few minutes, I was able to locate the courtroom in which the trial of interest was behind held and slipped inside.

I entered the courtroom just as the trial was about to begin and took my seat in one of the benches towards the back of the room. I looked around and was surprised at just how many authority figures were in attendance. There must have been about five NOAs and even more moderators and Sages all present, the most I have ever seen together at once in my life, although I’m sure there must have been larger congregations at community-wide events. For once, I felt a nervous shiver as I made eye contact with a few of the NOAs. I could tell that some of them were skeptical of my appearance, as I didn’t look to be the most upstanding citizen, but they were probably too distracted to deal with my shady presence.

“All rise!” a bailiff in the corner of the room shouted, which immediately quieted the murmurs of the audience, “The honorable judge Water10 presiding.” Looking at the bailiff, he was very tall and extremely strong. He had spiky blue hair tied with a warrior-like fillet and one of his shoulders was covered in highly durable silver armor. His weapon of choice was not a gun or modern weapon, but rather a large sword that would definitely be too heavy for me to wield. I could probably counter his strength with my speed and reflexes, but he definitely fit the bill of an intimidating bailiff.

The judge walked in the room through a door near the bench on the side of the room opposite from my location. She was wearing a black robe, as all judges do, and had flowing brown hair and a thin stature. Looking more closely at her robe, I noticed that she was wearing a silver pin of the letters “SS”. It looked like a pretty prestigious symbol, so I figured that it must be something only upstanding NSiders are allowed to wear (standing for something like Semi-Sage). Perhaps this was a newly instituted program to award more deserving users with ranks of power, but I was unaware of it at the time. Power is something all users in NSider hope to obtain someday, but only a few users can actually possess it. I am not talking about power in terms of fighting, but the power to control the activity that occurs in the community. There are but a few users that have power on the forums and they are broken down into special ranks, specifically NOA, moderator, Knight of Hyule, Local Knight, and Sage.

Sages are all normal members of NSider that have been promoted to a special rank by the NOAs, themselves. In order to be considered to earn the title of Sage, one must be active in the community and demonstrate a good sense of leadership. After that, the user must complete a rigorous written test. If successful, the user gains a Triforce next to his or her name and has the powers of a Sage. Most of the Sages on NSider are very skilled fighters or intellectual debaters, but all of them do have upgraded moves than those of a normal user. Many NSiders strive for this title, but few achieve it.

The powers of a moderator, Knight of Hyrule, and a Local Knight are all very similar and are often abbreviated Mod, KoH, and LK respectfully. The differences between these ranks are just certain restrictions on where they can use their powers and how they can obtain the rank. Moderators and Knights of Hyrule have the same powers (those similar, yet downgraded, from the abilities of an NOA), but moderators work for the NOAs while Knights of Hyrule are normal users elected to fill the authoritative roles. Local Knights are Knights of Hyrule restricted to using their powers in a particular section of NSider. Very active boards like Power On have multiple Local Knights while something like the Kirby board may only have a couple on hand.

The NOA (short for Nintendo of America) group is comprised of those that founded NSider many years ago. They control everything here, from user activity to special contests to locking certain areas of the community, making it exclusive to only high-ranked members. The head of the NOAs is NOA_ANDY, the ultimate administrator and a man with power not even a G-Mod crystal can exceed. When not fighting, Andy simply appears to be an average citizen, sporting a shaved head and his trademark rectangle-framed glasses. However, when challenged, it is said in ancient texts that he can transform into a gigantic beast wielding dual golden swords, a virtually unstoppable power. He also possesses the ability to decimate large areas with a single snap of his fingers with a move known as “judgment.” Any fighter who challenges him is a fool, as Andy would achieve victory in a matter of seconds with his ability to freely ban a user from NSider at his own discretion. He served as the prosecutor in this court case, which meant it had to have been something serious.

“Thank you, Mario766,” the judge said as she nodded towards the bailiff and sat down in her proper position and, “This is the trial of NSider vs OSider. Andy, please proceed with your opening statement.” NOA_ANDY gave his opening statement, falsely accusing the OSider of attempting to steal 30,000 posts from Celadon. The crowed gasped as he said these words; 30,000 posts are enough to go from Goomba to Plumber in a single day, a feat that is never accomplished by the majority of NSiders in their entire lives. The OSider, looking confused as always, denied all claims, which only lead to another barrage of convincing evidence by the NOA. The defendant was literally shaking his boots and had to be told several times by the judge to stop fidgeting. Even though Water10 didn’t look physically intimidating, she sure did crack down on X-Naut’s courtroom misconduct.

Suddenly, the X-Naut let out a high-pitched squeal and everyone in the courtroom looked at him, oblivious as to what was happening. He turned to the judge and said “Sry… I wus just scard off u guys.” Many of those observing the trial tried to suppress their laughter, but occasional chuckles and giggles could be heard. In NSider, listening to n00bs speak, especially when they don’t realize the mistakes they make, is considered a form of comedy. In fact, it is often the subject of many comedic performances and popular television shows here. The judge banged the gavel several times and everyone quieted down, but something caught my eye. The username “Water10” was in off-white text, symbolizing that the user was only a Tingle rank. Her username was only visible because she was the judge presiding over this case. A user’s name is not visible over their head in common scenarios; as that technology was changed a few years ago for privacy reasons. Now a user’s name will only appear over their head for a few seconds when they rank up, and during authoritative processes such as this. Normally, for trials of this magnitude, a Local Knight or someone similar will serve as the judge, but I quickly overlooked this. That “SS” badge must have had some special privilege of which I was unaware.

When the OSider was asked to give his side of the story, he slowly rose up from his chair and stood in front of where Water10 was seated. He seemed to be having difficulty standing, as his knees seemed to buckle and he was sweating rapidly. The judge and Andy exchanged sarcastic glances and, before the trembling OSider could say a word, he was ordered back to his seat. “Wait!” the X-Naut screamed at the top of his lungs, which pierced my ears like a hot knife through butter. The judge was impressed that the X-Naut said a grammatically correct sentence, even if it was only one word, and allowed the furry creature to speak. The next thing that came out of his mouth caused the whole courtroom to go into shock.

“| \/\/4/\/7 70 54`/ 7|-|47 | |)||) /\/07 ©0/\/\/\/\|7 7|-|053 ©|2|/\/\35 4/\/|) | 4/\/\ ©001”

NOA_ALEX and NOA_SHAUN quickly seized the OSider and prepared to haul him straight to NSider’s prison, which was the closest thing to an impenetrable fortress. The judge slammed her gavel repeatedly to the point where her mahogany bench started to crack and the audience was now chanting in unison that the X-Naut be sent to jail. I remained silent and composed, of course, but chaos like this only occurs so often. It was quite the scene and the administrators present had to motion to the audience to remain quiet despite this travesty. The OSider just spoke in leet, also known as 1337, a language forbidden to use in NSider. Why exactly the language is forbidden, I do not know, but speaking it in the presence of an NOA is generally a guaranteed trip to the gallows.

The infuriated judge was ready to send the OSider to death - a sight that I would have loved to observe - when another user burst through the door and into the room, silencing the crowd. It was ProfessorEGlad, one of the best private eyes in all of NSider. He was somewhat short and had a strange obsession with animals, but his crime-solving ability was second to none. He was also quite the prosecutor, able to rival a moderator or even NOA in that field. He sported a light brown trench coat, a matching hat and pants, and black leather boots. As always, he carried his traditional magnifying glass and spoke with the accent of a detective.

“Look here, see.” He said, full to the brim with confidence, “This OSider is innocent of all charges. By the evidence I have gathered, I have been able to reconstruct the situation and how it happened. Care to watch, eh?” As I said before, his skill was revered throughout NSider, so it was natural that his evidence was accepted in this case. He placed a large brown bag on a table and took out its contents: a projector. At first, I had no idea what he was going to do with that simple device but, when he turned it on, I was amazed. It was a machine that could project fully interactive holograms in the room. When he pressed a large red button, it displayed a re-enactment of the scene almost exactly how it happened. I, of course, was the only thing missing from the simulation.

After his presentation, a group of witnesses entered the room and I recognized them as the other customers in Celadon at the time of the spammer attack. They all testified and told the exact same stories as what was seen in the simulation and what I saw with my own eyes. Following this, the NOAs groaned, knowing that they have lost this legal battle, and dropped all of the charges against the OSider. I almost spoke out against this, mainly out of my personal prejudice against this user, but remained silent. The observers didn’t exactly agree with the decision, mostly due to the 1337 outburst, but it was the right one in terms of what actually happened. “You, OSider, you’re free to go.” NOA_ANDY said facing the X-Naut, who was still oblivious that he won the case, “We’re sorry for the inconvenience and we would all like it if you joined our community. Just keep the 1337 to a minimum.” I cursed under my breath at the sound of these words, knowing that it would be a bit more difficult to kill an armed NSider than an unarmed and unnamed OSider. I veiled my emotions, as always, and continued to listen to their conversation. “YAHOO!” the X-Naut shouted, “Whar do i go?” NOA_ANDY chuckled, partially due to the fact that the X-Naut was so clueless and n00by. Then he said calmly, “Do not worry, OSider, I know someone who can guide you and be your first NSider friend.” Andy then turned to NOA_MATT and said quietly, “Summon Invader8.”

CHAPTER 2: Spammy Situation

About ten minutes passed until all of the chaos died down from that OSider killing, at which time I placed one hand on the hilt of a dagger and readied to attack again. This second OSider didn’t look as clueless and disoriented as the first one did, but he still didn’t look like he would pose much of a threat, especially not to me. He was casually talking to an OSider behind him in line about an unknown subject, completely unaware that his life was about to be brought to a swift conclusion. “Imagine how it must feel to be an OSider…” I muttered, getting off track a bit with my thoughts. Having been born within the NSider community, I never had to endure the humiliation of being an OSider. The stereotype of an OSider is thought of as being lowlier than Goomba regardless of battle prowess, intelligence or other skills. Normally I frown on this mentality, but I am inclined to agree with the majority of NSider on this one. Ninety percent of OSiders are spammy n00bs that should not be allowed into NSider, but of course this community has to be open to everyone.

I was slightly sidetracked with my thoughts to notice the OSider stopped talking and stared forward with a blank expression on his face. I made sure I was concealed just in case. Since an X-Naut was able to take out my father, I did not want to underestimate the power of this race. Though, it was odd that he just stopped so suddenly. Did he hear my voice? Was he really a skilled fighter who just happened to not be registered with NSider…or was he just having a moment of pure stupidity? All of these thoughts and more raced through my head, but he shortly resumed his conversation. He then looked over in the direction of two NSiders nearby who happened to be holding sizable and appetizing ice cream cones. He asked the OSider behind him to save his spot in line and he complied.

I decided to wait a bit until I launched another attack. Doing it in front of an oblivious OSider is quite humorous, but I had no idea who these NSiders were so I didn’t want to risk anything. If it was true that one of them was a rank much higher than mine, it might not have turned out so well and I figured, since this is an easy mission, to play it safe rather than act hastily. Currently I am one of the Djinni rank, which is a little more than half way up the ladder of NSider’s ranks. As I mentioned previously, a user’s rank is generally a good indicator of their abilities in their certain fields. I like to think of myself as the exception, as I fight much better than the usual user of Djinni. However, I’m not sure I would be a match for an F-Zero Pilot or Killer Bees-ranked member of the community, but these users are few and far between. A complete list of ranks can be found in the NSider Tech Support board, but I have them memorized down to the last detail. The normal ranks of NSider and their qualifications are as follows:

Goomba – Join NSider

Cappy – 0 total posts, but must be registered for 3 days

Piranha Plant – 67 total posts

Tektite – 92 total posts

Octorok – 193 total posts

Snifit – 317 total posts

Boo – 402 total posts

Moblin – 561 total posts

Bob-omb – 680 total posts

Shy Guy – 990 total posts

Koopa – 1212 total posts (ability to use a sig shield earned here)

Paratroopa – 1681 total posts

Chain Chomp – 1953 total posts

Tingle – 2206 total posts

Kremling – 2601 total posts

Lakitu – 3100 total posts

Bounty Hunter – 3352 total posts

Gerudo – 3605 total posts

Ing – 4103 total posts

Hammer Bro – 4587 total posts (ability to edit earned here)

Noki – 5047 total posts

Pikmin – 5678 total posts

Djinni – 6427 total posts

Yoshi – 7412 total posts

Kong – 8641 total posts

Pianta – 11257 total posts (ability to delete earned here)

Pokemon Trainer – 14034 total posts

Warpstar Knight – 17349 total posts

Fox Brigade – 21415 total posts

Killer Bees – 23467 total posts

F-Zero Pilot – 26434 total posts

Smash Master – 30589 total posts

Metroid – 33732 total posts

Hero of the Winds – 35113 total posts

Plumber – 37213 total posts (ability to have a greater sig shield earned here)

Of course there are a few special ranks that offset these ranks, such as Arena Champ, Graphic Artist and other seasonal ranks, but those are only temporary. Someday, by some stroke of luck, I hope to achieve the higher ranks, but it seems extremely unlikely for a poor assassin such as me. I am pretty close to Yoshi rank, but with the bridge between that and the next rank, Kong, being another one-thousand posts, I doubt that I would advance from there anytime soon.

Anyway, the X-Naut waddled over to the pair of users, who just stared back with indifferent expressions. He stared at them, as if studying their features, before raising his arms in the air and shouting “AUGH!” I didn’t know whether or not this was some X-Naut language or just jibberish and the two NSiders seemed just as confused as I was. He was just being n00bish like many OSiders before him, which simply gave me more motivation to end his life.

He then leisurely strolled into a store on the outskirts of NSider called Celadon. This was well known for providing some good tips and tricks to newcomers as well as giving them some valuable items to help them live their lives. It was also the only store anywhere near the borders of NSider to accept Karma, another form of currency used by most OSiders, which made it a popular location. Too bad more people didn’t visit the store or NSider might be a somewhat structured community. The X-Naut walked right inside and a smirk spread across my enshrouded face. I figured that, right when he came out of the store, I could easily hold one of my daggers to his neck, cast a minor stun spell, drag him behind the store and kill him quickly and painlessly. However, my optimistic scheming was instantly interrupted by a spree of gunshots coming from inside the store. I quickly ran over and looked into the window of the shop to find to spammers, pointing a gun to the clerk, a few customers scattered on the floor, and a clueless X-Naut cowering in a corner.

The spammers demanded posts, shouting “Put teh postz in da bag lady…u don’t wanna mess with uss Paratroopas!” I scoffed at the sound of this…how could two users of Paratroopa rank even dream of holding up a store such as this. As expected, the clerk refused and tried to defend himself, but he was shot and killed at pointblank range by one of the spammers. This naturally raised everyone’s tension and anxiety except for the X-Naut, who then walked over to the counter, looking to buy something. My first reaction was to slap my forehead in disgust, but I then realized that there was really no difference whether or not the spammers or I killed the X-Naut. Either way, he would be dead and not n00bing up the forums. It would be nice to have his blood on my hands, but the sheer humiliation of being defeated by a lowly spammer was too good to be true. Thus, I decided to remain idle and allow for the scene to unfold.

Hearing the OSider’s footsteps behind him, the second spammer turned around and faced the X-Naut, pointing a glowing ray gun at him. When he revealed this, everyone became even more panic-stricken because it appeared as if a G-Mod crystal was attached to it. These extremely rare and legendary emerald stones can only be harvested in the cave, located south of the Power On RP board, and sell for a very high price. When used properly, they could grant the user with unbelievable amounts of power until all of the energy in the crystal was used up. It could also double as a power source for machines, and would have a similar effect of increasing their powers as well. He didn’t fool me, though, because it was just some cheap plastic, blinking attachment. For once, it probably worked in the OSider’s favor to be an OSider since he hadn’t the foggiest idea what a G-Mod crystal was.

Then, the X-Naut did just about the dumbest thing one could possibly do in a situation like this: yell back at the spammer. “Hai u, stop eet NAO!!!” These spammers were both Paratroopas and not much of a threat in the grand scheme of things, but they still knew how to aim and fire a gun. The first spammer pointed a gun at the frightened, meek OSider, who oddly enough didn’t even seem to notice. “This is perfect,” I thought, “the OSider will get killed by newbie spammers and I don’t even have to lift a finger.” Right when a slight smirk crossed my face, the OSider hastily swatted the gun out of the spammer’s hand and got into what resembled a fighting pose. His strike was quick, but still not very impressive, as he should have tried to use the gun himself. Luckily, the spammers were probably at the same IQ level and decided to face the OSider in hand-to-hand combat. The second spammer lunged at the X-Naut rather than shooting him with his gun…and missed horribly. The petit OSider ungracefully parried the lunge as the spammer hit the wall with a loud thud. “Perhaps he won’t be such a bad target after all,” I said softly to myself, “I could use a somewhat challenging mission anyway. Recently competition has become somewhat of a rarity…”

Unexpectedly, the spammer quickly recovered from the lunge and punched the OSider hard in the stomach. It was odd that a mere Paratroopa could recover that fast, but my concerns were answered when I saw his dark green screen name. The user collected enough posts from the dead clerk to rank up to a Chain Chomp. The punch was so forceful that the OSider flew across the room and smashed into a wooden shelf, breaking it, and falling to the floor in a pile of disheveled merchandise. The first spammer, still stunned that his gun was whacked out of his hand, regained control of his senses, picked up his gun off the floor, and pointed at the dazed X-Naut sitting atop the wreckage. “Finally one of these spammers is going to put an end to this,” I thought with anticipation; but it was too good to be true. I started to hear feint sirens in the distance, gradually getting louder as the tense seconds passed. “Oh no…” I groaned, “The NSider police…”

The police force of NSider was small and most of the users were only moderately skilled officers. However, with certain elites feared throughout the forum on the force, most users with similar roles as myself back off when they hear the sirens to avoid confrontation with them. They generally don’t treat assassins with much respect, but that hostility is probably justified since killing people is generally frowned upon. Luckily, I was hidden behind Celadon because when the white car pulled up, I saw Rexy_SOS’ face in the driver’s seat. Possibly the best officer in all of NSider, he stepped out of his prestigious patrol car, his shiny boots striking the road with an intimidating thump, and I noticed many bystanders glancing over at the impressive cop. He had a chic yellow uniform bearing multiple badges; merits; and medals, a very expensive and powerful gatling gun-like weapon grasped by his burly hands, and his trademark whistle secured between his teeth. While he is a little stout, he has lore for violence and is a bundle of aggressive energy just waiting to explode. Criminals, foes, and even some of his allies quake in his presence.

The officer burst into Celadon and noticed the OSider sitting in the middle of the wreckage with a dumbfounded look on his face. Rexy_SOS, quick to jump to violent conclusions, mistakenly accused the OSider and shouted, “You, spammer! You’re in big trouble now!” In about five minutes time, a black metal-plated jail transport arrived on the scene and the X-Naut was thrown inside, slamming painfully against the unforgiving interior and still trying to plead his case to the unappeasable officer. Rexy_SOS climbed back into his police car and sped off, followed by the transport. I quickly pursued them, sticking to the shadows so I would remain hidden from the masses (after all, there are many shady places in NSider). As an expert assassin, I was effortlessly able to keep pace with the speedy vehicle and I followed it all the way to Turnabout Courthouse. I shuddered at the thought of a mere OSider facing the all-powerful administrators in a court of law.