It has been a while since I’ve passed by the courthouse in NSider and I forgot just how massive it was. The golden edifice was lined with statues of famous video game characters, the centralized icon being Mario holding the scales of justice. It has to be one of the most glamorous buildings aesthetically in all of NSider and it is revered throughout the community as truly being a work of art. This courthouse has been in operation for many, many years, and is one of the premiere architectural achievements of this community.
When the transport vehicle arrived in front of the grand staircase leading up to a pair of bronze doors, I hastily broke off my pursuit and bolted behind a black car parked nearby. The back doors of the vehicle opened up; two officers ordered the X-Naut to emerge from the car. Hesitantly, he rose up, stepped out, and marveled at the beauty that was Turnabout Courthouse. That was quickly interrupted, though, as the two officers whisked him away rather unforgivingly. The OSider was struggling wildly in an attempt to break free from his handcuffs and the grips of the officers, but it was all for naught as the trio disappeared inside the courthouse and the doors slammed shut.
The trials of the Turnabout Courthouse were open to the public, but assassins and other similar classes of fighters were not allowed for safety reasons. It is a prejudiced law in my view but, nonetheless, I realized I had to get inside the building somehow as the main entrance was heavily guarded. I snuck around to the rear, weaving in and out of bushes, when I came across a security guard on patrol. “If I could stun him somehow, I should be able to reach the windows easily,” I thought, so that is exactly what I did. Holding out one of my daggers, I muttered an incantation and a yellow spark flew out of them towards the guard. The oblivious guard was struck square in the face and he quickly fell to the ground. I ran over and, after pocketing some of his posts, looked up towards the windows, hoping that they would be open so I could leap inside like a blur, but it was no use. There were red padlocks on all of the windows, meaning that these windows could only be opened by a user of Sage rank or higher. These red padlocks have simply become known as “locks,” but it isn’t like a normal door lock that I can break open or open with magic. Something about these locks prevents those without access from touching or breaking them. Even spells cast by a user whose rank is lower than Sage will have no effect on these locks.
When I came to terms that the building was completely sealed, I decided that I would resort to risky measures in order to gain access. “Hey!” Someone screamed, and I turned around to find that the guard had regained control of his senses. “Stop right there or I will use force!” He was probably somewhat scared to come face-to-face with an assassin of my caliber, as signified by his slight trembling. I knew that he could not beat me on his own, but I saw his left hand reach back towards a walkie-talkie attached to his belt. Before he could call in reinforcements, I snatched the radio out of his hand and hit him in the arm with the hilt of my dagger. He was knocked back a bit and began clutching his arm in agony. I was satisfied that I managed to break his arm with one blow, but I knew I was not out of this yet. He still retained consciousness and decided to let go of his arm, allowing the mangled limb hang limp, and fired at me with a pistol in the other hand. Unfortunately for him, it was a weapon with an extremely slow fire rate and I dodged the bullets with ease. I wanted to end this battle quickly before more officers arrived due to the commotion, so I deflected the next bullet he shot at me with my dagger’s blade, causing it to bounce back and strike the guard right in the chest. I then dashed forward and performed a very satisfying fatality: beheading the opponent. His detached cranium fell to the grass in a pool of blood.
I twirled my daggers, slid them back into the holsters, and dashed back into hiding as I heard some guards approaching from the front of the courthouse. I realized that this was my opportunity and ran through the surrounding bushes to the front, where the main entrance of the courthouse was now void of any guards. I ran quickly up the stairs so that security cameras would not be able to capture me and entered through the massive doors. Those guards must have been horrified at the sight of seeing one of their co-workers beheaded, though their feelings meant naught to me.
“Please pass through the metal detector, sir.” I heard the voice of a middle-aged security guard speak up from behind me. I turned around and saw the security checkpoint, which was unavoidable now that I had been spotted. A guard was sitting at a desk and next to him was a tall metal detector that I had to walk though to gain entry. Realizing the error of my ways, I hesitated as I thought of how to avoid setting off the alarm. The guard was quickly growing impatient, eventually remarking, “Sir, it’s not that hard and I don’t get paid be the hour. Please enter the metal detector.” With the administrators and NOAs present, there was no way that I wanted to risk setting off the alarm. I was in a tough spot; with nowhere to run, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get passed this one until I heard a faint sound coming from behind the officer’s desk.
The officer sighed and grabbed a walkie-talkie from behind his desk. Holding it up to his ear, he responded “Can you repeat that? The volume was accidentally turned down.” “Krtzz,” the radio crackled, “We have an officer down! Officer down! Do you copy? Emergency maneuvers!” “Whoa!” the guard screamed as he quickly grabbed his gun and ran out the door in a tizzy. Apparently my killing had created a diversion and the security guard forgot about me standing right there. “The fool…” I thought as I just walked around the metal detector and into the main foyer of the courtroom. After a few minutes, I was able to locate the courtroom in which the trial of interest was behind held and slipped inside.
I entered the courtroom just as the trial was about to begin and took my seat in one of the benches towards the back of the room. I looked around and was surprised at just how many authority figures were in attendance. There must have been about five NOAs and even more moderators and Sages all present, the most I have ever seen together at once in my life, although I’m sure there must have been larger congregations at community-wide events. For once, I felt a nervous shiver as I made eye contact with a few of the NOAs. I could tell that some of them were skeptical of my appearance, as I didn’t look to be the most upstanding citizen, but they were probably too distracted to deal with my shady presence.
“All rise!” a bailiff in the corner of the room shouted, which immediately quieted the murmurs of the audience, “The honorable judge Water10 presiding.” Looking at the bailiff, he was very tall and extremely strong. He had spiky blue hair tied with a warrior-like fillet and one of his shoulders was covered in highly durable silver armor. His weapon of choice was not a gun or modern weapon, but rather a large sword that would definitely be too heavy for me to wield. I could probably counter his strength with my speed and reflexes, but he definitely fit the bill of an intimidating bailiff.
The judge walked in the room through a door near the bench on the side of the room opposite from my location. She was wearing a black robe, as all judges do, and had flowing brown hair and a thin stature. Looking more closely at her robe, I noticed that she was wearing a silver pin of the letters “SS”. It looked like a pretty prestigious symbol, so I figured that it must be something only upstanding NSiders are allowed to wear (standing for something like Semi-Sage). Perhaps this was a newly instituted program to award more deserving users with ranks of power, but I was unaware of it at the time. Power is something all users in NSider hope to obtain someday, but only a few users can actually possess it. I am not talking about power in terms of fighting, but the power to control the activity that occurs in the community. There are but a few users that have power on the forums and they are broken down into special ranks, specifically NOA, moderator, Knight of Hyule, Local Knight, and Sage.
Sages are all normal members of NSider that have been promoted to a special rank by the NOAs, themselves. In order to be considered to earn the title of Sage, one must be active in the community and demonstrate a good sense of leadership. After that, the user must complete a rigorous written test. If successful, the user gains a Triforce next to his or her name and has the powers of a Sage. Most of the Sages on NSider are very skilled fighters or intellectual debaters, but all of them do have upgraded moves than those of a normal user. Many NSiders strive for this title, but few achieve it.
The powers of a moderator, Knight of Hyrule, and a Local Knight are all very similar and are often abbreviated Mod, KoH, and LK respectfully. The differences between these ranks are just certain restrictions on where they can use their powers and how they can obtain the rank. Moderators and Knights of Hyrule have the same powers (those similar, yet downgraded, from the abilities of an NOA), but moderators work for the NOAs while Knights of Hyrule are normal users elected to fill the authoritative roles. Local Knights are Knights of Hyrule restricted to using their powers in a particular section of NSider. Very active boards like Power On have multiple Local Knights while something like the Kirby board may only have a couple on hand.
The NOA (short for Nintendo of America) group is comprised of those that founded NSider many years ago. They control everything here, from user activity to special contests to locking certain areas of the community, making it exclusive to only high-ranked members. The head of the NOAs is NOA_ANDY, the ultimate administrator and a man with power not even a G-Mod crystal can exceed. When not fighting, Andy simply appears to be an average citizen, sporting a shaved head and his trademark rectangle-framed glasses. However, when challenged, it is said in ancient texts that he can transform into a gigantic beast wielding dual golden swords, a virtually unstoppable power. He also possesses the ability to decimate large areas with a single snap of his fingers with a move known as “judgment.” Any fighter who challenges him is a fool, as Andy would achieve victory in a matter of seconds with his ability to freely ban a user from NSider at his own discretion. He served as the prosecutor in this court case, which meant it had to have been something serious.
“Thank you, Mario766,” the judge said as she nodded towards the bailiff and sat down in her proper position and, “This is the trial of NSider vs OSider. Andy, please proceed with your opening statement.” NOA_ANDY gave his opening statement, falsely accusing the OSider of attempting to steal 30,000 posts from Celadon. The crowed gasped as he said these words; 30,000 posts are enough to go from Goomba to Plumber in a single day, a feat that is never accomplished by the majority of NSiders in their entire lives. The OSider, looking confused as always, denied all claims, which only lead to another barrage of convincing evidence by the NOA. The defendant was literally shaking his boots and had to be told several times by the judge to stop fidgeting. Even though Water10 didn’t look physically intimidating, she sure did crack down on X-Naut’s courtroom misconduct.
Suddenly, the X-Naut let out a high-pitched squeal and everyone in the courtroom looked at him, oblivious as to what was happening. He turned to the judge and said “Sry… I wus just scard off u guys.” Many of those observing the trial tried to suppress their laughter, but occasional chuckles and giggles could be heard. In NSider, listening to n00bs speak, especially when they don’t realize the mistakes they make, is considered a form of comedy. In fact, it is often the subject of many comedic performances and popular television shows here. The judge banged the gavel several times and everyone quieted down, but something caught my eye. The username “Water10” was in off-white text, symbolizing that the user was only a Tingle rank. Her username was only visible because she was the judge presiding over this case. A user’s name is not visible over their head in common scenarios; as that technology was changed a few years ago for privacy reasons. Now a user’s name will only appear over their head for a few seconds when they rank up, and during authoritative processes such as this. Normally, for trials of this magnitude, a Local Knight or someone similar will serve as the judge, but I quickly overlooked this. That “SS” badge must have had some special privilege of which I was unaware.
When the OSider was asked to give his side of the story, he slowly rose up from his chair and stood in front of where Water10 was seated. He seemed to be having difficulty standing, as his knees seemed to buckle and he was sweating rapidly. The judge and Andy exchanged sarcastic glances and, before the trembling OSider could say a word, he was ordered back to his seat. “Wait!” the X-Naut screamed at the top of his lungs, which pierced my ears like a hot knife through butter. The judge was impressed that the X-Naut said a grammatically correct sentence, even if it was only one word, and allowed the furry creature to speak. The next thing that came out of his mouth caused the whole courtroom to go into shock.
“| \/\/4/\/7 70 54`/ 7|-|47 | |)||) /\/07 ©0/\/\/\/\|7 7|-|053 ©|2|/\/\35 4/\/|) | 4/\/\ ©001”
NOA_ALEX and NOA_SHAUN quickly seized the OSider and prepared to haul him straight to NSider’s prison, which was the closest thing to an impenetrable fortress. The judge slammed her gavel repeatedly to the point where her mahogany bench started to crack and the audience was now chanting in unison that the X-Naut be sent to jail. I remained silent and composed, of course, but chaos like this only occurs so often. It was quite the scene and the administrators present had to motion to the audience to remain quiet despite this travesty. The OSider just spoke in leet, also known as 1337, a language forbidden to use in NSider. Why exactly the language is forbidden, I do not know, but speaking it in the presence of an NOA is generally a guaranteed trip to the gallows.
The infuriated judge was ready to send the OSider to death - a sight that I would have loved to observe - when another user burst through the door and into the room, silencing the crowd. It was ProfessorEGlad, one of the best private eyes in all of NSider. He was somewhat short and had a strange obsession with animals, but his crime-solving ability was second to none. He was also quite the prosecutor, able to rival a moderator or even NOA in that field. He sported a light brown trench coat, a matching hat and pants, and black leather boots. As always, he carried his traditional magnifying glass and spoke with the accent of a detective.
“Look here, see.” He said, full to the brim with confidence, “This OSider is innocent of all charges. By the evidence I have gathered, I have been able to reconstruct the situation and how it happened. Care to watch, eh?” As I said before, his skill was revered throughout NSider, so it was natural that his evidence was accepted in this case. He placed a large brown bag on a table and took out its contents: a projector. At first, I had no idea what he was going to do with that simple device but, when he turned it on, I was amazed. It was a machine that could project fully interactive holograms in the room. When he pressed a large red button, it displayed a re-enactment of the scene almost exactly how it happened. I, of course, was the only thing missing from the simulation.
After his presentation, a group of witnesses entered the room and I recognized them as the other customers in Celadon at the time of the spammer attack. They all testified and told the exact same stories as what was seen in the simulation and what I saw with my own eyes. Following this, the NOAs groaned, knowing that they have lost this legal battle, and dropped all of the charges against the OSider. I almost spoke out against this, mainly out of my personal prejudice against this user, but remained silent. The observers didn’t exactly agree with the decision, mostly due to the 1337 outburst, but it was the right one in terms of what actually happened. “You, OSider, you’re free to go.” NOA_ANDY said facing the X-Naut, who was still oblivious that he won the case, “We’re sorry for the inconvenience and we would all like it if you joined our community. Just keep the 1337 to a minimum.” I cursed under my breath at the sound of these words, knowing that it would be a bit more difficult to kill an armed NSider than an unarmed and unnamed OSider. I veiled my emotions, as always, and continued to listen to their conversation. “YAHOO!” the X-Naut shouted, “Whar do i go?” NOA_ANDY chuckled, partially due to the fact that the X-Naut was so clueless and n00by. Then he said calmly, “Do not worry, OSider, I know someone who can guide you and be your first NSider friend.” Andy then turned to NOA_MATT and said quietly, “Summon Invader8.”
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